Generic Foo Blog Randomness

2003-07-18T15:41:00.000-04:00

so I did it, I'm moving to livejournal. i am now at this website. It's just got a ton of cool options I like about it. It's like discovering blogging all over again.

2003-07-16T10:27:00.000-04:00

procrastination is fun

For a while, I used to think that I am very different than I was in high school, and I realized that's not completely the case. It's just that I think I am more aware of who I am and what I want now, and that doesn't mean I am a completely different person with different interests than I was back then, it just means that my acknowledged goals and problems are different.

Anyway, so I used to have this thing against Radiohead, and it was completely because they got so much hype, and I wasn't really into their type of music at the time. You know how different music touches you at different times in your life? Well, now I am into Radiohead a lot more, especially Karma Police. I love that song so much, I mean, Thom Yorke may not always be coherent, but there's just so much emotion running through his voice that you understand what the song is about, and if you don't, well, the song is what you make of it, not what the singer makes of it. That's what Michael Stipe says anyway, and he seems like a cool enough guy, so I'll take that and run with it.

2003-07-15T16:58:00.000-04:00

i really don't have anything to fill you in on today, except that I do have to wonder why my comments page is like, "Rachel's world is blue" as the title. oh, well. I've been thinking of switching to livejournal, as all of my nondebate friends except for erin use it, and I think the whole interconnectedness of membernames and such is good, but I really need more of an incentive than that.

2003-07-14T16:50:00.000-04:00

so one of the habits I have that is really bad is that when I decide that something is interesting, or I want to know more about it, or decide I want to do something, I get fixated on it. And if I actually do something about it during that time, many times I don't know the consequences of what I am doing. Then later I panic about it, and that's when I have to make the decision: Is it worth it or not?

Case in point (tho certainly not the only topic on which I am doing the previously mentioned cycle) is my new job. For months all I have thought about is how exciting it will be, and life changing, and etc, and all of a sudden, this morning, as I sat on my sunburned ass, I just began to think over and over about the worst case scenario of what could happen, about how I could be completely isolated and depressed and lonely, and hate my job; and then I thought of the best case scenario of living in DC, how i could get of my ass and get a great job, and etc, etc, and have everything turn out great, and I needed someone to tell me after I mentioned all my gripes that I wasn't comparing things properly, that I wasn't looking at one scenario the same as another. I get all hysterical over stuff because of a new fixation, and I just need someone to slap me and be like, STOP IT!!!!

2003-07-13T22:36:00.000-04:00

I rarely make an unabashedly positive post, I think that this one is going to be

This weekend has just been fantastic. let's review:

Friday: After work, planned a quiet night at home, ended up at home anything but quiet. First of all, we went to the british store, picked up some cloves and the girls got some cigars, and then we went home to have some red wine. We ended up having 4 bottles, and in the process we talked about some of the problems that I've been confronting lately personally, and it was great to get some feedback on it. It was just the best evening of talking I had in a while. Unfortunately, there was too much red wine involved. I woke up the next morning to realize I had thrown up on my alarm clock! (ewww. i think i am going to have to use my cell phone as alarm for the next few weeks.

Saturday woke up to confront my alarm clock, also had to go to laundromat for comforter for similar reason. Basically a slow day of driving around in a car and getting over being hungover. Then we went to Super H Mart and got some asian food. mmmm, tho mostly I bough snacks and stuff.

Sunday: OCEAN CITY with friends. I am SOOOO sunburned, it's horrible! At the same time tho, today was the most worry free day i think I've had in months, and on the way home I was afraid I had burst that bubble, but in the end all was most excellent. I realize that the people in that car, even if I don't keep in contact over the years, will always be with a part of me, and I'll always remember them between good times and bad, because I have a lot of connections with them that aren't just through common experience, but emotional, and that stays with you after the immediate reason for friendship is over. Sorry I can't go any deeper, but this weekend was great not because of the zany experiences (though going to OC is zany) but because I just remembered all over again why friendship is what it is. I wish that wasn't so sappy sounding, but...agh. Let's just leave it as is.

2003-07-11T11:52:00.000-04:00

its always odd when you figure out that the reason you love some of the songs that are your favorites, because I am listening to some of my favorite cds right now, and I've just realized there is a common theme running through about 4 songs, and i think I know why that theme is relevant. You want to know, you say? Ha, well, I'll never tell you, because as anyone who knows me well knows, they may know me well but they don't know specific incidents because I don't tell them to people, as I am a pretty private person. Talked about this with Jeni the other night.

2003-07-10T11:53:00.000-04:00

belle and sebastian are, once again, rocking my world, albiet quietly and in a rather introverted manner. if i could recommend two of the tracks from the album i am listening to, they would definitely be "You're Just a Baby" and "I Don't Love Anyone"

2003-07-10T11:02:00.000-04:00

The most embarrassed I've been in a while

ok, so this morning, after i come in late for work, I get a call on my cell phone from some 703 number. I've been getting a lot of Comcast telemarketers coming from 703 numbers I don't know, so I expected a telemarketer. Sure enough, the guy can't pronounce my name right and stumbles over it! I'm very rude to the guy, like "yeah, this is the person you want to talk to, hello? hello?" and then I found out it was my Japanese teacher, who had called to clarify something he said the night before about the difference between ga and wa! man, I felt so embarrassed. I was like, "I'm so sorry I was so rude to you" explained the whole telemarketer thing, and he seemed to get it. i still felt stupid, tho.

2003-07-09T17:37:00.000-04:00

Sometimes you recognize the oddest things

Like I was looking through my archives, and I don't know, the stuff that is there just seems very immature, but at the same time, I don't really think I've gotten a lot older. I guess it just seemed odd to go through the archives; it was embarrassing, like when you hear your voice on a video or on a tape, and can recognize your voice, but you don't particularly like it because you don't think it's your own, when actually its more you than what you think.

2003-07-09T16:35:00.000-04:00

Oh, since I usually show most people only one aspect of my personality, most of you don't realize this, but one of my favorite websites of all time had to undoubtedly be suck.com. In fact, sometimes I still like to run through the archives for a good time in terms of humor. Anyway, I found the blog of the woman who used to write the "Filler" Column every thursday! Her name is heather and I love the drawings they had for her cartoons, and I was very happy to find her website. it is connected through two websites:
The rabbit done died
named after a recurring suck column

btw, I got my new computer and am very much enamored of it. pretty HP. I also honestly like the fact i have an athlon as opposed to a pentium. I'm like that. I'm even considering switching to linux, tho honestly I don't know if it's worth it consdering I don't do any hardcore computing. Josh, if you're out there, can you help me out with that? I'm especially upset at how XP allows those stupid messenger popups. I'm sorry, but that is just plain shitty design, unless someone can justify it to me. Anyway, rabbit blog. yay.

2003-07-08T17:37:00.000-04:00

oh, and by the way, i am totally looking forward to drinking in japan. good beer, mm mm good beer. I likes me some Kirin Ichiban! (which, for those who don't know japanese, means Kirin Number one Beer! Carissa would disagree, however, claiming that Asahi is number one, as that is what her father in Japan claimed. But I have never had Asahi, so I wouldn't really know)

2003-07-08T15:33:00.000-04:00

have you noticed the code for blogger has changed? Now "b" for bold has changed to "strong". Very descriptive. Just sayin'

Anyway, I've realized the reason that I don't blog as much as I used to is not that less things are happening to me, but instead that I feel the need to censor myself more. I don't really know why, but that is the case. Anyway, I'm going to attempt to stop that. Of course, saying you're going to blog more is really the death knell of your blog. I thought Emily made a statement the other day that I've thought a lot of myself. She talked about how blogs are the most self absorbed, self-indulgent thing out there, and she said it with a definite note of derision. I totally agree; I think the whole blogging experience, for most people, is seeing how many people care about how your day went/your thoughts on the day's politics. I guess I don't see that as such a bad thing, however, I mean, everyone has to have their vanities, and if this is mine, I feel pretty cool about that. I mean, its certainly not hurting anyone.

In other news, we'll go to comments about physical stuff. The friday before last, I got my cartilage pierced again; however, this time I got an industrial in my right ear. This is a bar that goes through your upper ear through two places. It's pretty nifty; I think a good thing about it is that not a lot of people really notice it unless they look, but at the same time it is someting kinda unique. The most important thing, tho, is that I think it looks cool. Hurt like a bitch for the first few days, but it's calming down now. Forgot what a pain in the butt it is though to only sleep on one side of my head, especially as I've discovered that my natural sleeping position was sleeping on my right side, which I can't do anymore.

As for Japan stuff, well, I sent out my passport yesterday to get my visa on it, other than that, I need to figure out how I am getting back to stl for the last week here, thinking of flying more than getting a car now. either way, not exactly sure, and I need to start getting rid of/packing stuff. Also, this weekend I will have a car, as Eric is on vacation (or hell, to be more precise) and I will be taking care of his vehicle.

So let's see, I've done a little social commentary, given a slight update on personal news and physical appearance...what's left? Hmm, a little personal revelation that is just a little too revealing? eh, why not? The best part of my day, most of the time, is when I'm about to jump in the shower in the mornings, I look in the bathroom mirror, sey, "hey, you!" in my mind in a oh, yeah kinda way and jump in. I always feel a little better after that.

with that, hopefully I will blog again soon.

2003-06-25T12:07:00.000-04:00

I always hate it when i feel I've missed out on a pop culture phenomenon, but I went to www.homestarrunner.com the other day, and let's just say I am amused. I mean, strong bad is funny, but I also love the Homestar's voice. e-maaiiiil!

2003-06-20T10:50:00.000-04:00

so it's been awhile, I gotta admit, but it's mostly because most of my life is running on a pretty well dictated schedule now, so I really don't have any serendipitous anecdotes to tell. I mean, I realized I spent so little of my time in my apartment this week, and it's not only because there are a billion people living there right now, it's just that I have a whole bunch of other stuff going on right now, like my acting class (which is pretty interesting. I mean, when we do some of the warm up games I feel really stupid, but overall the experience is enjoyable, and I really like my monologue) and my japanese class (which I am working at, and I really enjoy as well). Yesterday I went to Washington Lee High School's graduation to get pictures for a lesson when I go to japan. It was indoors because it was raining, and humid and hot as hell. anyway, yeah, they have like a billion valedictorians. I mean, what's the point of that honor if everyone and their brother gets it. Don't even get me started on weighted GPAs. I think the whole thing is silly anymore, which is especially shocking as when I was in high school it all mattered to me soo much, and i was really pissed when I didn't get to be first in my class. god, imean what high school you graduate from and what college you go to mean so little as long as you are a motivated person, or at least kinda know what you want. It's all a big load of shit that I and everyone else buys into.

anyway, listening to belle and sebastian. really like it, think i will buy one of their cds. Kind of like simon and garfunkel meet the smiths

2003-06-08T23:46:00.000-04:00

roomate stuff

One of the first things you notice about someone but don't consciously think about is what kind of messes they notice. Probably the most noticeable is people who don't notice their own messy appearance. This can be confusing when you consider there are also people who notice their messy appearance, but either don't care or completely revel in it. The latter is a little odder to me, though, because if you can't keep yourself relatively put together, who would reasonably want you to keep something else that isn't around you 24 hours together?

Anyway, I bring this up because Carissa cleaned around the house today, and we just had a discussion about messiness and stuff. Now, before you get any funny ideas, it wasn't particularly bitchy or anything, it was actually extremely civil. However, it made me realize that I notice certain messes and don't notice others. I do NOT notice dirt at all. Like vacuuming or stuff like that, I mean, i notice the results immediately after they are done, but the vacuuming is one of the farthest things from my mind. I guess I just don't pay that much attention. Floors? Same. Dirt is just whatev i guess. I think it's laziness. I mean, I appreciate it when it's done, but when I'm cleaning it's just something I will put off.

So what gets me? Bugs. I can't handle bugs. So if i think something is going to be attractive to bugs, I cannot handle it at all. So basically, I bitch about food being left out in the kitchen, dishes in the sink, and counters with brown stuff on it. Ewwww. I think dishes in the sink are the things that get me the most, because they start to smell, and bugs can get to them. Same with recycling stuff. Man, you got to rinse out the cans and stuff, because if you don't, you get the stink and the bugs.

Why do I mention this on a blog? Because I'm a little bored, and, if you're ever worried about the condition of your apartment when I am visiting, remember: every room in the house I couldn't care less, but please have a clean kitchen. a cold water pitcher in the fridge gets bonus points, too

2003-06-03T13:11:00.000-04:00

hmmm

First of all, I would like to point people who already read all the same blogs to go to carissa's again, because i think that the whole situation she is in is very interesting with the sexual harrassment stuff, and as a guy I guess I feel that I've never been put in that part of the perspective, and I didn't really think I would know anyone who would be put in that situation. I guess I don't get how people cannot understand how their actions affect others either before or after the incident. I mean, there are a lot of times where I said or did something without thinking about how it affects others, but then afterwards I would think about it, and this would definitely affect my future behavior. To just go around and repeatedly make people uncomfortable because you need to get your rocks off is plain being an asshole. I mean, it's abuse of power, and I think of all the things in the world, abuse of power, intellectually, is the one that pisses me off the most.

2003-06-01T01:38:00.000-04:00

so this weekend I have spent almost all of my time in the apartment, because I have tonsillitis and no health insurance, so I didn't get anything else to help it until today. Either way, it was a nice, quiet day other than the constant pain of swallowing. Oddly enough, the girls did a ton of cooking and stuff, and yet the kitchen is cleaner after they were done than before. Either way, nice to see it looking good.

As for other stuff, my mom called before we started watching a movie, and I think for the first time in a long time, she was pretty much just like "stop ignoring me when I give you advice." The problem is that a lot of times I do take her advice, I do just need to think about it for a few days. However, in this case I'm pretty sure she isn't really up to speed. I mean, I know my parents really want me to go to grad school and stuff like that, but honestly, I am just not interested in that right now, especially one I would take online while I am in Japan. First of all, I don't really want to go to an "online school", I'm a little bit of a reputation whore and I also know my study habits. I need a classroom environment in order to do actual work. I mean, I'll be the first to say that up front. And second of all, why the hell am I going to spend more money to get a masters degree in something that I might not even want!? I mean, I don't know what the hell I am interested in, why would I be like "oh, I should go to school just for the sake of going to school?"

I guess, in general, I am in kind of a holding pattern right now, but here is how I feel. All my life, I've been rushed with schooling, and I am sick of it. I don't want to get a degree or go to school because I can. I've done that, and I guess it was nice, because it gave me something to do. And I want to go back, I really do, I mean, I think it would be fantastic! At the same time, I also want a few years of goofing off, of having a job that lets me do something new and interesting, and that's what JET is doing.
Basically, I know what I want in the future, and it is also what my parents want, but they want me to do it now, and I want to do it two years from now, one year in japan, the next year taking some courses to prep for the math I would need to get the job done. That would mean 3 years between undergrad and grad work. I would be 23 entering my first year of grad school. This is when a lot of people enter grad school as soon as they graduate. I don't think I'm really asking for a lot.

2003-05-30T11:24:00.000-04:00

Man, it's been a while, and it might be a little while longer until I post again, I don't really know. But i would just like to say that we received a scholarship request from Delta State, Nigeria today. weird

2003-05-23T00:54:00.000-04:00

yeah, im still all like "wow"

Haha, so I go to this JET website all the time that has a bulletin board on it, and so today I was like "people, know anything about this place???" and someone was like "yeah" so they sent me an email and an offer to buy their car from him. He basically said it's really rural, but very nice, and that a lot of the people in JET get together on weekends (tho not my predecessor, who is a loner), but you can also go weeks without seeing people. Honestly, i do that on a much smaller scale with a lot of my friends, so i guess it may not be particularly bad. Also, I found out I would be located at one school, not moving around much. I'm not sure how I feel about that, I kind of like moving around a lot, but I'll probably be able to get a lot more done at one place than at a lot of them. Also, there are at least 40 JETS on the whole peninsula, they apparently are also the only foreigners there. hmmm. well, more later

ETA:The guy I got a hold of is the JET in the next town over. weird, huh?

2003-05-22T09:27:00.000-04:00

wow. ummm, wow

So I got my JET placement yesterday, and it's Kazamaura Village, Aomori-Prefecture. In English: Middle of Nowhere. It's pretty much like the Wyoming of Japan. Physically beautiful, with hiking, mountains, skiing, beaches, etc, etc, but no one lives there. The place where I would live has a population of 3000, and there's a city of 50,000 40 minutes away by car. Apparently there is no high school there, so I would be teaching junior high and elementary school. I'm kinda excited and scared at the same time, but I have to say, if i would have picked somewhere, this would not be it. I'm gonna have to think about this one, definitely.

Here are the few links i could find:

pictures of the peninsula
the town itself
more stuff about the town (in japanese, some pictures)

2003-05-22T01:30:00.000-04:00

I promise i'll blog tomorrow, as i got my JET placement, let's just say it's a little rural. That's a euphemism, people

2003-05-19T16:37:00.000-04:00

I have the house to myself till thursday, ha ha ha ha ha! i am very happy about this.

However, I am not happy that JET has not told me where I am going yet. I need to know these kinds of things!

I want an iBook. With a 14 inch screen. And i don't want to pay for it. well, i'll pay for it, but I am only buying it right before i go to japan. I also want to buy a whole bunch of DVDs because I know i will want american tv, and i will want certain things. I especially want a DVD of Wet Hot American Summer.

I was very sad to see some old friends go this weekend, as i won't see them for a while. But, you know, this weekend was a little bit of closure to an era for me this weekend as well, as this was the year in which i was supposed to graduate, so I feel that emotionally I have finally graduated as well, hopefully.

Turning 21 this Saturday!!

This concludes a summary of the random thoughts in my head today

2003-05-13T13:10:00.000-04:00

The more things change, the more they stay the same

So right now I'm being the relief receptionist for an hour, which basically means I have time to sit here and pop off a quick blog about stuff, even tho I don't feel the moment is bloggable. I guess I'll do a quick review of the last few days.

Sunday me and carissa moved stuff around to get ready for denise to move in. It means I'm in the little room now; which isn't that bad, really. However, I can't handle not having the computer in my room, so I called comcast because I knew they were having a big promotion about their internet for three months, and I got us scheduled to be hooked up on thursday and made sure we would be able to run our computers through a router that i already own. We also put up two of the blur posters I own. The deal is that they are from the album cover to their greatest hits; each of the members had their portrait done by this one pop artist, Julian Opie, who works in abstracting the personal, so each of the people is made to be as generic as possible. It's interesting to see the outcome.blur stuff/other stuff he does

Anyway, so I'll I'm doing is sitting around waiting for something to happen; it's not that I'm a lazy person, but I can't decide what I am doing with my upcoming year until I hear from JET about my placement. Honestly, if i get sent to an elementary school there is no way i could do the job. it wouldn't be right for me or for the kids. If i get that, or if something else comes up, I'll probably be moving to california sometime in august. Liss is moving to LA, which is a possiblilty for me and could help when it comes to finding housing. As for that feeling of urgency, it's not there quite as much as it was, but I guess it's still kind of simmering beneath the surface. whatev.

Oh, so this was a little embarrasing: While I was in hawaii, i was commenting to my parents about how i was going to have a bitch of a time paying for stuff this month while missing an extra week of work (i forgot that next month's rent would also be a lot smaller). anyway, so i was talking to my mom over mother's day, and right after she mentions that they sent me a check to help with this month, i mentioned that i signed up for that acting class at 120 bucks. yeah, i felt like an idiot. ugh.

well, that's about all that's going on now. as for music, not much going on, but going to see brandon benson in early june. should be fun, he's not crazy, just a nice songwriter.

2003-05-09T10:18:00.000-04:00

You know you get sick too often when you know what stage of an illness you are in

Right now I'm in the "popped ears" phase, which is when everything is mostly better, but your ears are all stuffed up, so everything sounds weird and you have that little pressure up there. An annoyance, nothing more.

So my parents are big super healthy freaky people; and it shows. I mean, you people have seen my dad, he's healthier at 44 than I may ever hope to be. Anyway, so he has a subscription to Men's Health, which is kind of a silly magazine, because it seems they constantly keep trying to relate working out and being healthy with having great sex (which I guess makes it kind of a cosmo for men. Which I have to say, I kinda agree with in that I think Cosmo appeals to the essence of women, and I think Men's Health, which doesn't really get itself tied in a knot over clothing and stuff, really appeals to basic stuff that guys want.), but they really do have the whole healthy lifestyle thing without going overboard down. Anyway, so there was this one article in there that talked about how horrible high fructose corn syrup is, and how it basically tricks your body into not feeling full even though you have eaten (which means you will eat more of the product) and turns itself into fat much more quickly than other sugars. So I decided, hey, I will try to cut down on eating products with high fructose corn syrup in them! Basically, this means not drinking soda, and when I am buying juice, I buy 100 percent juice, because drinks are where a lot of high fructose corn syrup goes (welll, candy too). We'll see how it all works out. I was going to try to exercise more, but I've had Hatchet SARS and so exercise has been a low priority.

ooh, ooh, so I had another dream last night, and i think i've had this one before, but I'm not sure. So first I find myself in this neighborhood full of stick/skeleton people that are also really short, and like this whole world they live in has this bone white stick/TimBurton look to it, really. And when I'm in it, I'm like them, then I leave and for a while I'm still like them, but I wonder if I'll still be alive if i look like that once I get back to the real world. Then I remember that I saw one of these things at liss and brandon's once, and it was alive, so i wasn't worried about that. nevertheless, i turned back into a person, but at the road crossing where that happens I see a bear. I cross the cross street and start walking up a hill (to go to my friend Jeremy's house) and the bear is across the street. It goes up on it's hind legs, and I start running a little, then slow down because I realize that when you run like that it only makes bears more likely to attack. I repeat this process a few times, then I just start running, and at first i think i am ok. then i see the bear is gaining on me fast and I'm slowing down because the hill is really steep, and I'm not trying to make it to jeremy's house anymore, but just the house closest to me, which is two doors over, and as I hop the guy's fence and make it to his door I realize I am about to get caught by the bear, and then the dream ended. Seriously, some weird stuff.

2003-05-09T01:52:00.000-04:00

oh, oh, it must be a real blog, it has a title!

So I was really really sick last night. I mean, i had the oddest dream, and I mean, the symbolism is pretty obvious, but the random body temperature changes and forgetting i turned the a/c off on a hot evening really added to the effect. Basically, I just kept dreaming that my body was turning into something else, like a metamorphosis. I would wake up about every hour and find my sheets torn off, and I could tell I had been thrashing the whole time. Finally, I woke up around 7:30, and I don't know why, but I felt a lot better than i did the night before. Go fig. Considering how I've been thinking about my life and stuff lately, it wasn't particularly surprising.

Anyway, so I'm still a little sick. I haven't eaten more than one meal a day for the last 4 days, and I've fallen asleep around 8 and woken up around 1030 every time. It's quite an odd routine. I mean, I had to force myself to eat an apple last night because I felt so sick from not having had anything to eat. I was starting to exercise again, but I'm putting it off until I feel a little better and get over this horrible illness, which apparently i got from going to a hatchet party. shit.

Work? well, it's nice enough, I guess. I got a raise, but I really enjoy it as much as I always have (which isn't much, for those not in the know). Honestly, right now there's not much going on, just a lot of contemplation, frustration at work and a variety of other factors at work.Part of me keeps reminding myself that I'm only 20, but you know, if i go to japan by the time i come back ill be 22, and i'm sorry, but that's old. I know a lot of my friends are that age, but i just pretend they're all my age. hey, it works.

2003-05-08T00:50:00.000-04:00

oh my god, i'm so sick. stupid hatchet party. and i don't think i want to go to japan anymore, tho i don't know if that's because I'm sick, or irrational, or what, but I realize i hate working in offices, and i hate working on boring academic stuff, and i want to work with people, and creative stuff.

2003-05-05T17:00:00.000-04:00

so instead of being mopey, i did something proactive, i signed up for two classes:

Wednsday-8pm-Beginning Japanese
Monday/Thursday-7pm-Acting Workshop

2003-05-05T15:17:00.000-04:00

Boredom like this hits a region only once every 2000 years

Yeah, people, I hate the whiny adolescent emo-blog as much as you do, sorry its been a little like that lately. However, with weather like what we got going on today, is it really that surprising? God, today has to be the most boring workday ever. Everyone is all quiet, and there isn't really any pressing deadline coming up, and so everything is just like meh. I mean, honestly, it's just given me more time to mope. The real highlight came when I got to go to lunch free because me and lolita were welcoming the new girl in. and get a load of this, i found out this morning that my boss is leaving at the end of the month. I mean, we found out through an email our boss' boss sent out on saturday. apparently she was going to tell us today and didn't know he had sent the email out. Craziness!!! All I've done today is think about what my life would be like if I had stayed in drama through all high school. I used to do all sorts of plays and stuff when I lived in FL, but when I moved to stl, there was no drama dept. there, so i switched to xtemp (yeah, odd, I know). If I had stayed in PC, there is a VERY good probability i would have stayed interested in acting and gone to college for broadcasting or drama, and all I've thought about today is if i would have been good at it, and enjoyed it, and maybe enjoy my work a little more than now. I think if i had, yeah, there's a good chance I would have really loved it and stuck with it, but there's also a decent chance i would have hated it more, especially if i were unsuccessful, because i think that maybe my creative side is weaker than my logical side. So, I guess I'll just have to run with community theater when I get back from japan, or maybe see what would be possible over there. It's not movie stardom, but, you know, I guess sometimes people need to learn they should be satisfied with what is attainable, which is something I've always patently refused to do.

2003-05-05T00:34:00.000-04:00

You know people, I'm just going to come out and warn you right now: I am in a really ugh mood lately. I feel like my life has no direction and is just empty, and I don't want to go out and interact with people, and I don't want to do anything, I just want to wallow and feel horrible, and so I'm sorry if we go out and do something and I'm not very excited, or I seem somewhere else. I have been like this since I got back from hawaii and i thought it would go away and it really hasn't, so at this point i guess I'm going to have to deal with it somehow, but since I just don't feel like doing anything, getting the inertia to change will be difficult.I guess I just need something to throw myself into, I mean, I've just always had something going on that I could point to and work and focus on, be it college or extracurricular stuff, and I don't have that right now, and so it feels like a part of me is just empty and gone, and I don't know what to fill it up with, and I'm afraid that there won't be anything for the next two months, and that's a horrible feeling.

2003-05-04T17:20:00.000-04:00

Where I COMPLETELY prove my total geekiness

So today I woke up at 915 or so to go see X2 at the Uptown. For those of you who haven't been to the Uptown, it's only like the coolest theater in DC, a place whose idea of a theater is a 6x10 screen in front of 50 uncomfortable seats. Anyway, first of all, the sequel is wayyyy better than the original in terms of just about everything. I was kinda whatever about the first movie, but this one was enjoyable. However, after seeing it, I just keep thinking how cool it would be to have mutant powers or something like that. I mean, I know that there would be the whole issue of social stigma, but I think it would be totally worth it in terms of the benefits. I mean, heck, even the characters who seem almost inhuman would be really cool, with teleportation, blue skin and whatnot. I mean, it would just be neat.

btw, did anyone else find it amusing that in the movie, at one point Mystique makes herself into the real life Rebecca Romaijn-Stamos? I found that amusing.

2003-05-03T20:59:00.000-04:00

seriously, debaters are the only people I know who use blogspot. There is something we are missing here

So I don't think I'm going to talk about hawaii here, because honestly whenever I talk about there it is very boring. I mean, I had a good time, but recounting it is not particularly interesting, because it was nice because it wasn't particularly eventful.

Ok, so there is one thing i can talk about that might be interesting to some of you (tho I know not eric, this isn't really his kind of blog), because its more of an idea that an event. It was really weird, I was sleeping in the cot my parents bought at kmart the day before, and all of a sudden I had this "one day, you are going to die, and it will mean nothing to the world" moments. Have you ever had one of these? they suck, totally. I mean, you cannot get to sleep when all you think about is the insignificance of your life and your fragile mortality. And from that moment out, like every night before I went to sleep it would pop into my mind, kind of like when Sam McCree randomly appeared in my dreams for a week a couple of years ago and would say "Hi, I'm Sam McCree, and I have bad teeth" and leave my dream. Also, that same week I noticed my mom was reading the "Left Behind" books, and I was talking to her about it, and at that point I realized that I know very few people who are religious in almost any sense. Some of them are merely apathetic, others are outright hostile to the concept, but there's no one who's really into it at all. In fact, I don't like a lot of people who are like that, especially if they're really in your face about it. Then I came back, and today I found the blog of my friend mary from otown (for those who don't recognize the name, she's the one who went nuts over fourth of july. well, she didn't go nuts then, I mean, its really a process, but you get what I am saying) and apparently she is big on religion right now as well (those of you might remember that from the bowling post.). And it got me thinking, I'm not like "she's a nut" or anything like that, and I'm not like that about jeremy and joel either. I mean, if you find religion, more power to you. As someone who doesn't really have a belief system going right now, honestly, I would like to find one. But I know that in my current mindset, its just not going to happen. I mean, I envision it as something that kind of hits you, then the bond grows as you learn more about it, but right now I just don't see anything where I'm like "man, that all makes perfect sense". It would be nice, but it's just not there.

Now, when I say this, I'm not saying I would like to be denise's mom or anything like that. But it would be nice to have something for those times when you're pondering your insignificance.

2003-05-02T09:12:00.000-04:00

The blog I feel obligated to provide

So I'm finally back from Hawai'i, man, what an adventure. The process of getting back there was a bitch, but it's really not worth repeating in detail; lets just say that a lot of waiting, anxiety, and stops in random airports were involved. As for stuff I did there, well, we did a lot of touristy stuff. My parents don't like to go to the beach, and we have only one car there, so we did a lot of outdoor stuff, but it wasn't the beach, like hiking and stuff. Still, it's cool, I like to hike. Got lots of clothes, which was good as I haven't gotten new clothes in a while, that was my birthday present, so i got kinda a west coast surfer look going on, as that is what at least 3 people have told me today. As for JET, getting that stuff in was a bitch too. Honestly, while last week was wonderful, this week has just been so draining that I have been completely out of it. I guess getting about 4 hours of sleep every night doesn't help either. I'll give blogging more of a try later today.

2003-04-17T01:54:00.000-04:00

You have absolutely no reason to care about what I am about to say

Okay, so my cd player broke over a month ago, but I decided that if i am about to sit through a day long flight, I need some tunes to keep me company, so I made the trek to target (walk to metro, take bus, walk from stop, sounds easy, but mwahaha you are wrong! The Target was in Falls Church, which meant for me it was like going to the moon. You know how it is when you take an unfamiliar bus line, you're always paranoid you'll miss your stop.). So a few gripes I have over the whole process:

Sony is retarded:
-Sony thinks because you have heard of them they get to charge a premium, and honestly, yeah, over some no-name, I would pay a few extra bucks for a sony. But Philips offers a better product, with one of those thingies that you plug into the headphone jack that lets you control the cd player with a handheld thingie while your player is in your bag and 45 seconds of skip protection, for 10 bucks cheaper. Sony's response: Well, if we make our player some flashy color (red!) and give it a catchy name (the Psyc series! Edgy!) and people will buy it, because it's "young" and "hip". Hell, no. I got the Philips.

Music in general:
So I decide, "Wow, I've only paid 40 bucks for a GREAT cd player" I can buy a cd! Plus, gives me something new to listen to. So i know i can't get the cd i really want (The Shins, "Oh Inverted World") because no one outside of indie record stores have heard of them, so i think about what i would also like. I think, "hey, I like a lot of strokes songs, I'll buy the strokes cd. Since its been a hit for a while, i'll bet it's even cheap!" I'm a retard. Of course they wouldn't sell that. That's logical! Instead, they'd rather have 5 copies of this cd by this band called the exies. If you haven't heard of them, that's because they were not good. Their song was in a lot of x games commercials, but that's about it. But Target has 5 copies of their cd! Because I'm sure some buyer told them "oh, this is gonna be huge!" They also had nothing by a few other bands I looked up. Finally, as I'm about to settle on Coldplay, which is a band I generally don't like, but they have a few songs on each cd i like, I see it: Best of Bowie, on sale for 9.99! This cd is usually no less that 17 bucks, so it was a great deal! I likes me some bowie music, especially that early stuff like space oddity and fame. So i was happy in the end, but I just had to find me some old people music.

Other news, found a japanese program in dc. working in dc again. joy of joys. YAY!!! Target was just an important event in my life today, people. To those who live in DC w/o car, they understand.

2003-04-15T17:57:00.000-04:00

Having a title just because I feel that makes my blog look better somehow

Honestly, I have nothing to say in this blog. I mean, seriously, this is just me typing words. I avoid work so much it is insane, and yet they still ask me to come back. Are other people so slow and inefficient that I still do as much work as them in half the time, or is my boss just too lazy and nonconfrontational to fire me and go out and find someone else? I swear, I am the worst worker in the world, and yet people seem to value my labor. I don't get it.

Oh, so i need to go out and buy one of my favorite cds that i left behind in stl, because i want to listen to it now. No, its not ace of base, its the pixies, "Dolittle"

2003-04-15T00:42:00.000-04:00

Because of the car trip home, I am having an 80s/early 90s dance breakout! Currently am listening to bananarama "Venus" (or, as some will know it "I am your fetus, I am your fire, soul desire" Denise's mom couldn't have said it better) will be relistening to ace of base soon enough

2003-04-14T14:20:00.000-04:00

While I enjoy the use of the prefix uber-, I hate it when people use meta-

Anyway, so obviously a lot of this blog is going to be about my weekend. Guess what, my weekend was debate, I'm sorry, but I'll try to be amusing to everyone in the process. First, I'll give a chronological order of rounds:

1. Against Yale soph and novice: Ran Basques, won. Pretty cut and dry. We mentioned we were twins, they believed us.
2. Against Jay and Tim from Yale. Philosophical round, crack was the judge (btw, did anyone else notice that whenever crack said someone's name at the awards ceremony, it sounded like he was making a sleazy pass at that person? Well, he sounded like that, and it was cool), me and Denise did a really good job, judge agreed, but we dropped, crack explained why, I agree with him.
3.)Hit JPo, ran Guinea, lost. Round was muddled.
4.)Hit MIT novices, ran Libya, crushed them. I mocked them in the PMR, discussed GWB and 3-card monte, spit on a chessboard and wiped it off, and got a 26 for my efforts.
5.)Hit W and M Chris and Will, they ran eliminate filibuster, I gave good reasons not too, judge liked everything i had to say, we pick up.
6.) Hit Smith A Kat and Helen. Ran US should allow selling of kidneys. Fine, open case, wish i was MO instead of the Leader of Opp, but hey, thems the brakes. This round would have gone much better if not for Andrew Grossman. Andrew interjects himself as the judge into every round he sees, and while I don't think he's ever dropped me unfairly, my debating, if not that of others, I think is adversely affected by his presence and constant facial contortionism in the round. From how he acts, he basically decides at your tagline whether or not he likes your point, and doesn't seem to listen to the rest. I can't be sure of that, but it makes me less likely to develop and try to explain points I would otherwise maybe develop and cause him to change his position because he reacts so negatively. Points he cringed at by me he loved when denise brought them up. We have absolutely nothing in common, and while I don't like him, I'm not going to proceed to slander him or anything. Let's just say I scratched him for good reason, unfortunately Brandeis ignored this, and my last round ever suffered as a result.

As for Liz, well, she is craziness. The girls refused to ride home with her, and while I felt a little bad leaving her behind, the ride home was much more comfortable in danielle's little car. She apparently ran into Dolan and told him that someone on our team (me) used to do an imitation of him, if someone's first remarks to me were that, it would seem a little odd to me. I could talk about this subject so much more, but it's very taxing and just not worth it to put it down. maybe in the future.

I think there was a lot more to talk about (we have a lot of people confused as to whether me and denise are twins or not) such as that annoying speech from the guy who went to williams (who basically name dropped oxford, implied he was too good for us, yet deigned to bring himself back to debate for one final year). Look, if you are from debate and read this blog, while we may not have hung out a lot, I probably thought you were a pretty nice person at heart and would have liked to have hung out with you outside of the context of debate. On the other hand, for some of you probably the only thing we had in common and will have in common was debate, and I'm glad we were able to get together and hang out. Either way, there was probably more i wanted to say, but i forgot it.

Oh, yeah, Ace of Base rules. All that she wants, is another baby, she's gone tomorrow for one, all that she wants, is another baby, hey-ey-ey...

2003-04-10T15:18:00.000-04:00

Evil roomate freshman year's uncle was involved in this; I had secretly hoped it would fail

2003-04-10T10:59:00.000-04:00

Ever try to definitively change your natural state? It's hard

Totally. So I am at work, desperately waiting (already!) for the day to end. why? because i am going to boston this weekend to go the last debate tournament i will ever be in, and i am ready to not work. So after our practice round last night, and i was talking to carissa, and i realized something, and that is that i take debate rounds personally, and so i get very emotional in rounds. denise is the same way. unfortunately we both have a habit of getting indignant. it works for denise, but honestly, it doesn't help me at all, its kinda detrimental. so this weekend I am desperately trying to concentrate on being more conversational, being funnier and funner in rounds by being frank and throwing off one-liners. Unforunately I can't change myself that quickly in advance, and i just don't see it happening, but I am going to try my hardest. in the car today i have a few cases to work on and fine tune for the tournament, so that is cool. I mean, at most we need 4 cases, no? Probably 3? Well, I have two that I like, hopefully I will get the chance to run them. More than that, though, I really want to not believe that I have any chance of breaking, because then I think I would have a much better time. Unfortunately what I really think is that if we are on this weekend, we can do it, and that, for my emotional well-being, is the worst thing of all. All I will do is get really nervous before rounds, and when i speak it will either be canned or be more angry and that kind of stuff, which does not work out well. Then, until we lose for the third time, i will get more despondent each time, thinking a slim hope still exists, but that there is no room for error. I totally need to get over this. I mean, it's not like I NEED the validation that comes from debate, I have a lot of other fantastic things going for me in my life, but it would be nice, especially since a lot of people who I consider my peers in debate have done much better than i have over the 4 years we've done it in terms of results, and it would be nice to have something to point to in my last tournament. With that said, I should get off my blog because I have to make the run into DC. btw, does anyone know if easton is where they make the bats of the same name? I should ask arthur.

2003-04-07T17:32:00.000-04:00

The inspiration for my last blog title, and some other stuff that actually matters

So I'm sure the RIAA is going to be on my ass the instant I say this, with their big brother like devices trolling the web for file sharing info, but I have a lot of mp3s, and I decided this weekend, before carissa's party, after my physical space had become uber-clean, that I should make my cyberspace the same way through organizing my mp3s (plus, there's nothing worse than wanting to hear some 70s rock and instead pulling up EVERY SINGLE house song you have on your playlist). Well, that was a bad idea. FIrst of all, I didn't realize how many songs i had, took off my playlist, and completely forgot about. This includes anything by the bloodhound gang, lords of acid, or the cardigans (god, I burnt out of the Gran Turismo cd, I still can't listen to it). Anyway, it's taking much longer than planned to deal with this whole thing, and its frustrating, because I don't know how broad to make the categories or anything like that, and I don't know where some of the songs I liked and actually had on my playlist are. That song by Khia is catchy, however. So is "Going Back to Cali" by Notorious B.I.G.

Other news, so I am trying to figure out what the heck I am doing with my life over the next 4 months. I've pretty much definitively decided I am going to Japan next year, I got my JET confirmation Friday, and for a while I was still considering moving to california as were my originial secret plans, but I think this is an opportunity I just can't pass up, the chance to live abroad for a year with an actual income! However, currently plans are still to try to go to berkeley for economics the year after (yes, denise, despite the fact I have never read amartya sen's book and I don't know who the peruvian economist hernando de soto is, I want to be an economist, as far as I can tell), so I need to take multivariable calculus, and soon. I have found 3 options, one in each region I can live in. However, living in DC is going to cost me quite a bit of money (even with an extra roomate), and so I am thinking of moving to stl or hawaii, but there's a good chance i will still be here. I think the solution lies in sitting down, figuring out my credit card debt, how much I want to be working in the job i am working at currently, and the potential savings that comes with not having to pay rent. On the flip side, I am not going to know anyone still in stl, and while I like my parents a lot, I won't know anyone else in hawaii, that could get old. Oh, and YES, I do know that I am talking about not moving to hawaii, but screw you, I'm still going in a little less than two weeks, so nyah nyah.

2003-04-05T20:22:00.000-05:00

I'm embarrassed by a lot of songs on my playlist (specifically lords of acid and Khia)

off to the wag, tho I think its going to be a short night tonight. Carissa had a house party last night, and it just proved that I am a closet introvert. You know how they always have those questions on the "what kind of person are you?" quiz that are like, after a party to you feel energized/drained? Yeah, the answer is drained. I mean, it was a really nice time, its just after a while it was like, screw this, I'm going to bed. so i went. Anyway, so I got my JET notification in, and I made it. Unfortunately, in the time i talked myself into knowing I had failed, I know am not 100 percent sure I want to do it. I'm thinking of moving to california and getting residency to go to school. I might talk about that more later, but I'm not 100 percent sure of that either, because I don't follow through on promises I make that I feel will have to consequences if broken, and I'm also not a black/white person. I like the anonymity that comes with gray.

Anyway, I have to run because I need to take a shower after exercising for the first time in a while. anyway, shower time, when I get to use my favorite away message: "I'm naked in the shower getting clean, does that make you feel dirty?"

2003-04-04T01:38:00.000-05:00

I just reread the site, and now i am a little preoccupied, apparently i got the histrionic and schizotypal descriptions mixed up, and the schizotypal thingy described me pretty well, I think, anyway, tho i could be wrong.

2003-04-04T01:33:00.000-05:00

I promise you'll get a real blog while I'm at work tomorrow

In the meantime...

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Moderate
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	High
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	High
Narcissistic:	Moderate
Avoidant:	Moderate
Dependent:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Low
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

Honestly, I was a little surprised by the results. I mean, the histrionic one, maybe, tho I don't have a uterus, so I don't know how i can be uterus-like. The schizotypal one, ok, that one was a little odd, especially after hearing the descriptions. I mean, I wish I had special powers, but I'm not sad or delusional enough to believe I actually do. And I am not manipulative, in fact, I'm always paranoid that people are trying to manipulate me. oh, well...

2003-04-01T10:00:00.000-05:00

It's way to early to write. It's always way to early to write

Anyway, let's see if I can give you an update now. First off, let's start with my weekend, I guess. Josh came down for thursday evening through most of friday, took friday off early to take him and crystal to museum of natural history. Josh was pretty much as I expected, with one exception: The van dyke thing was pretty big. It worked, I mean, it was well trimmed (the thing that annoys me most with facial hair, if you're gonna have it, take care of it. Of course, on this matter I am a complete hypocrite, as many people think I am trying to grow a goatee [which, if i tried, would be the most pitiful goatee ever] because I don't use an electric shaver on my chin, as it gives me a rash because my skin is very dry. Since I almost NEVER have the time in the morning to have a proper shave [I do like a proper shave, leaves the skin feeling neat, and you get to put on aftershave!] that hair just grows a little more, plus, I am just forgetful with that kind of stuff. I think it comes with never having to worry about it until college, by which time my morning ritual had become concrete. Thus ends the longest digression ever.) just unexpected. He got to meet Alison, which felt important to me because they are the only two people I know with the same interest in terms of career, and some of the debate crew as well.

Saturday night, apparently I began drunk dialing. This is bad. I hate the Captain. He is evil. Carissa saved my embarrassing drunk phone message, which is evil, but she also took care of me that evening, which more than absolves.

Sunday, seeing Eric get his ps2 (one of the few times in my life i can say i truly saw someone speechless) and ate out twice. yeah, it was ok.

Again, wondering what the hell I am going to do. I think I really want to move to a shitty part of some city and get a job at a record store or some other retail thing. I hate this whole pathetic attempt at life success and social climbing bullshit, and I give up. blah

2003-04-01T00:03:00.000-05:00

the story of my life is indecisiveness, and for some reason i think that makes me unique

So I realized that the reason I am late to work all the time is because I know I am unimportant there, and that I really don't want to go, especially when my bed is all nice and warm and the sheets were cleaned the night before (i love sleeping in just out of the dryer sheets. Someone once told me they liked sleeping in a bed after a few days because then it smelled like you. I like to believe that humans don't give off any odor or fluids, especially me, so I disagree wholeheartedly), so didn't go in until noon today. Tomorrow I assemble furniture. You know, when its IKEA furniture I look forward to it, because the pieces all fit so easily, but this assemblage involves glue, my mortal enemy. I hate glue.

Hmm, josh came, and I know i should talk about that, it was a good time, but for some reason right now i don't feel like blogging. sorry for this aborted attempt. ill try again tomorrow day or evening.

2003-03-29T02:58:00.000-05:00

Stuff I care about, but I doubt anyone else does

Mark my words people, now that the whole 70s Velvet Underground-Stones influenced The band thing is run its course creatively, here is the new mark: new wave! God, I love new wave. proof:

the new single of a band i really like

also, notice the whole electroclash thing going on with fischerspooner and ladytron, which is like the sleazy side of new wave.
anyway, i don't know if the thin ties will come back, but im happy with new cds coming out, unfortunately, i don't have any money to buy those cds.

2003-03-27T10:19:00.000-05:00

I always wondered how people made titles on their blogs, now I know they just use the bold key

So what's up at work, today, you may ask? well, the answer is very little. But, let me tell you about the coolest website i have seen in a long time. It's at the lonely planet website, and its this thing that figures out the price for a round the world ticket, and it is sooo cool! you just type in the cities you want to go to, and it figures out the cheapest fare to do it, which usually includes a few extra cities! Like, for example, I decided to take a Southern Hemisphere jaunt, and ended up going from Tokyo-Sydney-Cape Town-Buenos Aires-Rio de Janeiro-St. Louis. But when I checked it, it added 3 extra cities, Bangkok, Port Moresby (Papua New Guinea), and Lima. Way cool! Anyway, so if i ended up doing JET, they give you airfare to go home, and the amount they give you would be about half the price of this trip. just thinking it might be cool to do this. neat neat stuff.

So I told my work that if they don't move me back to bethesda in two weeks, I have to leave. Now that I've said it, I should probably do that, or else I have absolutely no spine. People talk a lot about dignity, and I always wonder if I allow myself to be walked on more than other people, and I just don't know if it's the case. I think i do, but if it's someone I know, I get really bitchy with them afterwards.

Finally, Josh is coming tonight, I think. From the sound of his blog, I don't think he and his friend are going to be in the best of moods when they arrive. However, he asked for Chinese food, and I shall deliver. I am torn about how to deliver, however. There are two options I see: City Lights of China or Harmony Cafe. City Lights gets more respect from people around the city in general, and it is good, but they give you so little white rice, and I always hate that, because while the entree is the best part, the rice is essential towards providing that long-term full feeling. That's why you always feel hungry after eating chinese food, because people don't eat enough of the rice, and the way the body digests meat it feels less full in a shorter amount of time, oddly enough. Anyway, Harmony cafe is pretty good itself, and it also offers a few japanese options, like udon noodles. This does not mean, however, that it is a pan-Asian restaurant, a creature I loathe. It's not really pan-Asian, they just call it that. Its really Singaporean food, but they don't think that will attract people. Anyway, it's a mish-mash of Southeast Asian cuisine, but with none of the parts I love. There's never anything on the menu I like, but everyone I know always acts like these places are the BEST RESTAURANTS EVER!!! Umm, they're not. You know a restaurant is a pan-Asian restaurant if there is nothing with coconut milk, yet Pad Thai is on the menu (this means it is not a Thai restaurant). Pad Thai is the bitch (or sweet and sour chicken, if you will) of the pan-Asian restaurant, they all make it. That was a lot to write about for just decent chinese food. Anyone else have any suggestions in the DC area? No We Delivery!

2003-03-25T16:08:00.000-05:00

Again, from work (a lull)

so anyway, there's one blog i always avoid reading at work, and that is John Dolan's. Why, you may ask? well, see for yourself. He gets to decide who is going to this college, and if he wants he can be catty about it, but the job also has the cool element of getting people you want to get in in sometimes. it seems interesting, at least, more interesting than packing boxes full of publications.

2003-03-24T12:11:00.000-05:00

I told you, I'm procrastinating!

You're not a French Revolutionary at all! You're
Russian, which is a bleaker cousin. It has
been postulated, by me, that all aggression
stems from the Russian steppes. Leave the
angst & despair to your literary tradition.

Which French Revolutionary Are You? *Not Finished
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-03-24T11:22:00.000-05:00

tell me how this is different from working with a temp agency:

Aaron,
Could you make labels for the black things near the printer.

We can quickly go over what they should say, but I think most are obvious (e.g., "WIN letterhead").

Also, can you make a label to put on the white cabinet in the production room that says "WIN supplies"?

It goes on the bottom cabinet to the left of the mailboxes.

Stop by with questions.

Thanks!!

2003-03-24T10:57:00.000-05:00

so i woke up this morning and made my way to work, and it was very ho-hum, and i almost never think while I'm on my way to work, but all of a sudden, as i left the turnstile, my mind went to work, and man, was I unsuprised at what came up.

First, I thought about how nice my weekend was without debate, and what an enjoyable time it was overall, and how adult it felt, even though my saturday night seemed suspiciously like high school all over again. And all of a sudden, I just don't understand why I would go to nats over this other opportunity I have, even if i probably wouldn't take up the second opportunity even if offered (though im not even sure how true that statement is). As I stepped onto the escalator, one line repeated itself a few times, "leaving on my terms". then, next it was a depressing moment on how much i hate the trip to bethesda, and how i really don't like the work i do here, because it is fairly uninteresting. I mean, if my job involved research involving IR and intercountry relations I think i would love it, and i always regret not taking classes in sociocultural anthropology because i see a definite interest there. but not liking your work encourages you to try to avoid it, and i do that with a vengance here. and all of a sudden i thought about sending my resume into a temp agency and seeing if i could make more money at least doing that while waiting for my future to be decided by me or someone else.

gee, do you think I'm having control issues over my life right now, with all this talk of being in or out of control of my destiny? yeah, maybe just a little. I mean, I totally understand why colleges care about leadership positions, because people who succeed have leadership capabilities, be they inherent or developed (and I've seen the latter happen before my very eyes, and it is impressive to see the results in that person's life, i think), and people who have a lot of intelligence but little leadership don't, for the most part (this can be inherent, but i really don't know whether you can unlearn leadership, I think it's really something you keep with you for life, though it can be dormant before being reactivated again).anyway, on that note, i will get back to answering phone messages.

2003-03-24T01:53:00.000-05:00

would be blogging, but am watching mission hill on cartoon network. any show that has cake's italian leather sofa as a theme has to be quite enjoyable. this weekend featured a 2 seat suzuki t-top x-80, djarums, australian victories in world cup cricket, bad ncaa brackets, photos of spain, old friends, and old memories, tickets to chicago, and a whole bunch of other stuff.

hmm, well, this week features more old friends, some djarums still left, but probably no suzuki. oh well.

2003-03-19T16:26:00.000-05:00

ok, people, i read www.japantoday.com a lot while i was getting ready for my JET interview, and since I've looked over it out of boredom, but today i think it had the best story ever:

Kindly SM Fetishists Aid Afghan Orphans

also, check out the thing where they go out on the street and ask the japanese questions. the responses are frequently hilarious! (its on the right side, you'll see some japanese people's head shots next to a question.)

2003-03-19T01:01:00.000-05:00

haha, apparently this is becoming my reminder for how many steps i took today. btw, today it was (woo hoo!) 12442.

2003-03-18T01:03:00.000-05:00

i took 8114 steps on monday

2003-03-17T14:50:00.000-05:00

nevermind, went on IM at work (A HUGE no-no) and got it resolved. It was what I figured, and im over it already, because there was a legitimate reason. so no gossip, sorry.

2003-03-17T14:34:00.000-05:00

ok, so here we go in an attempt to rewrite, tho unfortunately there is no way in hell i am going to be able to recapture the spirit of the last blog, but basically, here goes. A friend of mine has me not upset, but hurt. This friend I'm almost certain is unaware of this, but, well, I don't know whether its worth calling them or not. I mean, I call them a lot, and i would feel stupid to keep on calling, but at the same time I at least want to hear an excuse or very bare bones explanation, preferably sooner than later. That is a lot more passive aggressive than the last blog I wrote, but as I said the odds of me recapturing the spirit of that last blog is not going to happen. However, if you think this blog pertains to you, I would appreciate a phone call. I don't even need to see you afterwards or have an hour phone conversation, literally a 1 minute phone call would be most excellent.

As for other stuff, well, not much is going on really. I am freaking out over financial stuff in general, which is probably not something you want to hear about, but it's a big part of what I think about, so if this blog is about me, it should also be about my finances. tho not in detail, so this subject is done.

ummm, thinking of not going to nats, taking foreign service exam instead, even tho I'm not particularly excited about the prospect of being in the foreign service. I've convinced myself I am not going to japan next year. Its really odd, this blog is really down, and its not like I'm Mr. Happy or anything, but I'm not particularly depressed, im just like whatever. I guess I should find something positive or just stop.

Ohh, ohh, game show network is showing reruns of that time the guy memorized the board on press your luck! that brought me great enjoyment, as did watching starship troopers with emily and eric. I don't see em and james a whole lot, but i always enjoy their company, and paul verhoeven ( director of starship troopers and showgirls) makes some entertaining, over the top movies. and doogie howser is in Starship Troopers! I had no idea!

there, much happier. bye

2003-03-17T02:07:00.000-05:00

OH GODDAMN AM I PISSED. ATE BLOG ARRRGHHH. try to rewrite tomorrow. hopefully the person the last blog was directed toward indirectly (amazingly, I managed to do this while not being passive aggressive) will read it tomorrow.

2003-03-10T01:36:00.000-05:00

I hate rap in general, but there's this one song, Going Back to Cali, by Notorious B.I.G., man, I can't get enough. It and Le Tigre and Primal Scream.

Second thing, my friend from Josh is stopping by for a short while (maybe just a day maybe overnight), and I have to say, I'm pretty excited to see him. There are so many directions he could have gone in, and I don't know how the fuck he ended up in nowheresville, North Carolina, so just finding that out in itself should be a trip, as Josh is the enigma of our group of friends. Plus its fun to IM people from Otown and be like, "guess who I might be seeing in a few weeks?" I'm guessing he;ll stop by the weekend of the 27th, if so I'll see if he wants to go to Bliss (indie night) at the Black Cat. I imagine its the kinda crowd he would dig, plus I'm not sure if he drinks or not, so its a good mixed crowd. Plus, its cheap, which is what I like most of all.

Now, debate stuff time. I am probably going to UVa this weekend. Here is why: I like them. I may not talk to them every week, when I talk to them I may not have hour long conversations, but they are far and away the nicest, coolest people on APDA, and I want to show how much I appreciate their existence by going to their tournament every year I have been debating on APDA (my first year doesn't count, I only went to tournaments on or in the Beltway). Dinos bitch all the time about how the circuit used to be, but I think UVa are the only people (with a few exceptions) who still really take debate as a good time. They also throw a good party. In that spirit, my plans are to try to run cases I don't usually run (Amanda and Kate, I have cases about Education! Urban policy! Seriously, that's how I spent my Sunday, casing!). I don't know how good they are, but I want this weekend to be about learning more personally. In addition, I want to debate with a novice, get them into good rounds, and teach some about parli debate. Finally, I am going to get off my ass drunk at the party, because unlike when I go to NJ/NY tournaments (and this isn't saying you people are bad guys, just that I'm not Mr. Sociable-go-out-of-my-way-to-meet-new-people!) I'll know people there who I like. The last few times at UVa, I've been really competetive, and done VERY badly. Maybe its been because I've been trying to hard and fighting the tide, so fuck it. This weekend is about learning and fun.

This has been the most I think I've ever used the exclamation point in anything I've ever done. I feel stupider for having used it. The girl who i work next to hates exclamation points, and after looking at them, I understand why.

2003-03-04T10:54:00.000-05:00

So today is the second day at the Bethesda office, and I have absolutely nothing to do. I mean, I am just sitting here, and its a little bit embarassing. I mean, I like to goof off as much as the next guy, but I usually like to do it in the context of looking like I am doing real work. As for other stuff, well, I am probably going to Hawaii later this month; at least, I hope I will be able to go then. Obviously, something such as that will take a huge bite out of my finances, but that is something I will just have to deal with. At the same time, I need to go to Gdub at some point and get my W-2s for the meager wages I earned at Ticketmaster.

Hmmm, anything else going on? Oh, yeah, Princeton! Ok, so here is a quick summary of all 5 rounds, all of which i think were eventful in their unique way. 1st rd., Penn, we run a case about alcohol on campus, MO claims personal experience, as he is from Penn and went to Andover, and our case was tight because all of the Ivy league schools already do it. That pissed me off. oh, he also claimed personal experience as he says he is a recovering alcoholic. 2nd round, another Penn team, they run a case calling for a Central Asian free trade area, I basically have 4 spec knowlege IPs as the LO, we harp on them, and I mention that I was an Int'l econ major to lend some cred, in the PMR the kid gets up and says I am obviously not an Int'l Economist because he is right, and he went to Wharton (oooooohhhh)! So elitism two rounds in a row, yet GW is 2-0.
3rd round, adam and beth, we are on gov with a case we definitely don't like. I had a horrible MG, we lost. I made Beth funny. I guess I should take some solace in that. 4th round, we had a VERY close round (or so i thought) with the oxford team. two really nice guys, they came to us afterwards and thanked us for running an IR case, which of course we were only too happy to do. It seemed that everyone thought it was a good round except for the judge, Anna Utgoff gave them a 27 and 26 (at a VERY low point tournament)denise a 25, and me a 23 with the reason for decision: "Opp kicked the bejeezus out of Gov". Besides the fact that that is a little rude for a person to say when they aren't familiar with at least one of the teams, she complained we didn't give a philosophy behind our case. It was a policy case, we gave reasons of self interest and benefits! The oxford people were good tho, and I certainly see how they won, so I am not bitching that we lost in general. Finally, 5th round, where Hopkins believed that a patients bill of rights is about only informing patients of all their options. I wasn't quite sure what to say in the LO, I mean, that's not very much of a case. anyway, we picked up, going 3-2. Sorry that one took so long to flesh out. Oh, and I was dragged to the party even though I really didn't want to go.

2003-03-03T01:47:00.000-05:00

You know, I guess I try to skirt around issues and stuff, but in this case I just don't think I know quite exactly what I want to say, but I'm going to give it a whirl. My friend Mary, who I've told you a lot about, apparently is very involved in a campus baptist organization at Purdue now, and that got me thinking about religion and my friends, because there is a stark contrast between one group of my friends and another. A lot of my friends from O'Fallon, I would say, are religious people, in that they either consistently go to services and participate in religious fellowship groups or just maintain some sort of spirituality. My friends here, I would think not. And at first I always think about how the two groups are so different, in what they do and how they think. But the more I think about it, the more I think both groups have a lot of the same feelings and issues, one group just likes bowling more. This works for me, I like to bowl.

2003-02-25T01:51:00.000-05:00

you know what, if you want to say we shouldn't attack iraq because:

1.) They are no threat to us,
2.) We cannot pre-emptively strike a country with so little information as to wrongdoing,
3.)The like (heck, I'll throw in the desire for international consensus before action in this part)

I'm cool with that. You go. However, if your reason for war is "Have we learned nothing from terrorism? Isn't war terrorism? We cannot stoop to the level of those who have attacked us in the past... (Rosie O'Donnell)" you are completely out of touch with the reality of international affairs. If anything, I think this whole situation has proved the existence of the anarchic state of international relations. Look, god knows I don't want to die, and I would never want to be put in that situation, but in the event that we are provoked, a diplomatic solution ends and a much more horrible solution must begin. Not to wave the bloody flag of the Munich Pact, and we are certainly not at this point in Iraq, a situation where even I wonder why we are so proactive about this whole thing, but you have to just recognize the potential need to use that military we spend so much of our GDP on relative to other nations.

2003-02-19T14:17:00.000-05:00

I just have to point out something I noticed this afternoon. I went to get some passport sized photos taken (yes, a frustrating process, and I look horrible in them), and the first try at taking the photo, I took my glasses off. In the picture, it is very obvious I am cross-eyed, so i did a redo. But this got me thinking. I saw that picture, and I felt very embarrassed about something I can't help at all. I think, along with incontinence, cross-eyed(ness?) is the thing it is easiest to make fun of with no repercussion. Think about it. If people make fun of the mentally challenged or people with cerebral palsy, unless they make an obvious show that they REALLY think retarded people are ok, a lot of people criticize them. No one (or at least no one I know) sends pictures on the internet of retarded people in forwards, saying, this person is obviously the ugliest person ever, let's make fun of them. But I've gotten at least two emails i can remember with attachments of cross-eyed people, and the email is pretty blatant about how horrible the people look. and you know what, they're right. It's not very attractive, I'm the first to admit. At the same time, people I think act like its something that can be fixed, and so that's why its ok to make fun of them. Well, if you are 2 yeah you can get it fixed, but not after that. I am stuck with this for the rest of my life because a doctor refused to believe my parents when they said I had a problem, and while I can go to surgery to cut out part of the muscle in my eye to make it look better, that effect only lasts for a few years, and then it starts wandering again. Eventually, I might not be able to fix this problem with glasses, and then I will just have to sit around and be my cross-eyed self when I get older. I hope I'm at least not incontinent when that happens, or else I might be one of those people in emails.

In short, its ok to look away from it, or be grossed out by it, I mean, its not very neat looking, but at the same time, don't make a big public spectacle about it to your friends afterwards. Unless you do that with retarded people too.

2003-02-19T01:13:00.000-05:00

germanness

I am listening to this song right now, and every time after I listen to it, I think about how crappy it really is, but then when I hear it, that guy just has the description down really well (tho I am not catholic). All I think of is "Hello, I am Dieter, and welcome to Sprockets!"

Seriously, tho, I am still all about the lesbian punk rock. I'm just waiting for the cd to go on ebay. oh, and this one song by Primal Scream "Rocks"

2003-02-18T01:41:00.000-05:00

well, feeling better. I'm really excited about my interview on Thursday about going to japan and all that. I mean, of course part of me is nervous about going to a country that I don't know the native language of at all, and has a culture so different from anything else, but I like to think that maybe it will help me in figuring out what i want to do with my life and what really matters. I mean, that's setting some pretty lofty goals for an event, asking for a life changing experience, but I know that right now I don't feel passionately about anything, but I have consistently for the past two months felt passionate about this experience, and I don't think I could make a successful (repeat, successful, not just ordinary) career out of something I don't feel passionate about, and I don't want to be ordinary, i want to succeed, whatever that means. I don't settle, and I won't

2003-02-17T03:38:00.000-05:00

I need to go to diary-x or something like that and make up a livejournal (love crossing the brands, amuses me) so I can have a mopey blog that talks about mopey stuff that I don't have to show everyone, but that provides catharsis for me. I was just sitting here getting all mopey when I realize this happens every weekend about this time, and I can't quite explain why, but I don't think its pretty substantial in terms of long-term feelings, and so i would like to put these ramblings somewhere else where I can vomit them in writing and then leave the mess without any cleanup. I imagine you would appreciate that as well. Also, in case you haven't noticed, I love run on sentences, and semicolons, and commas, and overpunctuation. Its because when i was a little kid, I had a really hard time with punctuation, and then I realized that if i put commas in every possible situation, for the most part i could convince people it should be there, and they were just happy you put some punctuation mark after an independent clause, comma or period. Later I learned when these punctuation marks should actually be used, and in high school took long, 100 question tests in my spare time involving this arcana (anyone else who did JETS or WYSE out there?), but when I don't really care, the old habits come back.

I just blogged about commas. ha!

2003-02-15T18:07:00.000-05:00

I got nothing for you as of now, but other than that, I guess the best i can do is tell you i bought a new cd, but am still obsessed with that le tigre song. supergrass is pretty cool, tho, and their cd was a helluva lot easier to find.

umm, anything else? ummm, went out last night to las placitas. sorry, i am braindead right now

2003-02-14T10:17:00.000-05:00

Basically, right now I just want to pound my head on my desk and give up. My life is copy making, erasing fucking dots on a page that happened due simply to quality degeneration because of fucking toner and fucking scanning and GODDAMMIT!!!

Yup, this is it. 30,000+ dollars a year gets you a job making copies. And you know what I blame for this? Debate. Debate meant i didn't go out and get a real internship that would have led to a real job. Debate meant that instead I was satisfied with my crappy Ticketmaster job because it had great hours because i could work on sundays. I refuse to blame personal lethargy for this, and instead I blame debate. I am just so bitter at the world right now. All I could think about on my way to the copier was that I was hoping someone would yell at me for wearing a t-shirt with script on it (we are not supposed to wear shirts with words, even on casual friday, which is stupid as hell), because i would just come back with a passive aggressive "Look, all I have to show for 100,000 dollars and 3 years of my life is a job where Im told to clean up copies, which is kinda the thing i wanted to avoid doing every day by going to school. The least this company can give me is the right to wear a shirt that has nonvulgar words on it. Capice?"

I love arguments in your mind. You always win them.

2003-02-13T12:13:00.000-05:00

so yesterday was pretty weird. Like, from the moment i woke up it was just lethargy central, you know? anyway, i was a bit cranky all day, but the highlight came when I got to go to the National Library of Medicine, and I got to get a National Institutes of Health Library Card. Having it gives me the impression that I could pass as a doctor in some circles and situations. For example, someone would be like "entry for hospital staff and doctors only" and I would say "I am a doctor, visiting from NIH!" and i would show my library card and they would stand in awe and let me pass. Seriously, it looks really official.

After that went to class and made an idiot of myself for mentioning that Iraq has a high level of human capital (ie, education) for the region, especially among its expats and that this would help its development like that same factor helped Japan in post-WWII. However, it instead sounded like I was saying it was JUST as educated as Japan was, which is absolutely not true. Anyway, so i looked like an idiot and this one guy actually gave me a stare of disgust. Part of me was like "fuck off, I know more about this than you" but another part felt a little stupid. After class, I went home and when the West Wing (a show i loathe for its sappy moralism) came on, carissa was like "uhuhuh grunting noise means i want to see it" and i got up and made a bitchy comment about how i hate that show more than dharma and greg, another show she loves, and then she shot right back, with not as much but even more effective bitchery, "well, that's why we have two tv's with cable!" This response was wholly deserved, but that didn't make me feel any less stupid and childish. Anyway, when i got in my room i realized i should just go to bed, because sleep deprivation is probably what's causing my crankiness lately. so i went to bed at 9.

That's when I had this really weird dream involving a "Predator" like creature trying to eat me and my family in order to get revenge on us for something we did. This dream has happened in various forms over the last two nights, i think, anyway, while my sleep was restful, it wasn't that restful for obvious reasons.

2003-02-10T01:30:00.000-05:00

It's all slowly changing, isn't it? Hopefully, its for the better. I mean, the sensation inside of me is an odd one, but its one that thinks new things are coming, new attitudes, some that people are going to appreciate, some that people won't notice the structural cracks in, some that will alienate, but hopefully all that will move people on their course in a life they need for fulfillment.

2003-01-20T23:24:00.000-05:00

Man, blogging is such a cyclical thing, you know? I mean, I think its all about relative location to computer as you feel certain emotions or realizations. Anyway, right now i am in the most lazy ass mood ever. I did absolutely nothing today, I guess I should have gone to the container store with kate today; if only she had called! Anyway, looking forward to going to duke this weekend with liz; we'll see if this funk I am in will end anytime soon. You know, I felt at the beginning of this year that I was going to do really well, and that I was finally going to be able to be in the limelight a bit. Unfortunately, other than American, that hasn't really happened. I guess I just have potential flashes of brilliance, while I'm pretty normal the rest of the time. oh, well. anyway, got confirmation that they received my JET application, now just hoping i get called in for an interview.

Speaking of getting jobs, let me fill you in (though you all already know if you are reading this from the DC area) on the shittiness that is my current job situation.

First of all, last weekend I worked Saturday, helping my office move people to the new location. I didn't get paid overtime, instead they just gave me another day off, which i am using this friday to go to duke. just bitter i couldn't get overtime

This last week, they took away our IM, and then learned they have more sinister plans to keep track of us.

Callbacks for new jobs from last week: 0

Jobs I liked that I saw in the post this week: 1. I actually feel I am qualified, but I am paranoid that yet again, i will not get called back. shit. I should be staying positive about this. oh, well.

weekend overall was good tho. saw a wide variety of friends, and had a good time with all of them. alas, i am off again to write something for our novice recruitment for this semester. hopefully we can get a few to stick around.

2003-01-14T02:06:00.001-05:00

seriously though, people, I gossip and say things about you behind your back because i love you.

2003-01-14T02:06:00.000-05:00

lindsay hamilton, you are a complete bitch and i hate you and never want to see you again!!!

AIMCL :-P

2003-01-13T01:59:00.000-05:00

god that was the fastest transition from nostalgia to navel gazing depression ever. literally happened as i was writing

2003-01-13T01:54:00.000-05:00

look, i don't know how it happened, but I am in a totally nostalgic mood right now, but in a nostalgic feeling for something I readily acknowledge never existed. I'm nostalgic for acquantances I wish i knew better, not friends I already know and understand. There are always certain people who you are just like "man they are the most fucking cool person and I really wish I could have more in common with them or just hang out more and shit like that" but it never worked out, and that was probably the best for them, because it meant you will forever remember them in your moments of nostalgia as someone who was just incredibly fucking cool, instead of as the guy who was a total asshole. I used to think these were the best kind of relationships you could have, because in the end everyone ends up with a happy regret, instead of a bitter feeling.

Unfortunately, I know for certain that this feeling is even worse, and the true bitterness lies in that regret of failing to communicate and interact with people on a personal level, a fear of rejection that only truly comes when you secretly feel worthy of rejection. This feeling can pervade your soul, and no matter how much you try to avoid the problem it only comes back stronger, festering like an infectious canker. In the filth and detrious of human interaction, it can only become more poisioned and throbbing with the passage of time, and the solution does not simply come with the acknowledgement of one's self and its problems (self-realization). The solution comes when you understand how to resolve the problem, which is a further step that I don't have the answer for.

I would throw in some pop culture references here to some movies and music, but I'm afraid it would cheapen the whole experience, and if searching for old names in google ever does this to me again, I'll have to stop.

2003-01-10T00:55:00.000-05:00

Which Founding Father Are You?

so anyway, everyone is coming back, which is very YaY! indeed. carissa moved in yesterday, which was cool; she has a lot of stuff that will make this apt seem like a home, i think. I got a sketchy bed from an indian guy at mattress discounters who i think sold me the bed personally using his employee discount. got it for 250 new tho, which is an awesome deal. Thinking of changing jobs, at my current one i am nothing more than a glorified temp. Auditing "Economy of Japan" at GW this semester, fun fun.

team gossip, sucks to have all this shit going down, but the worst part is that, like depeche mode, "I Just Can't Get Enough". It's like i want to know every minute detail.

anyway, i get to sleep on snoopy sheets tonight, which is very very cool. its like snoopy around the world, because he's dressed in a different country's traditional garb all over the place. Scottish Snoopy rocks.

I don't get why I've decided to model my current blogging style on how larry king wrote for USA Today. sorry about it, hope to get to a more narrative style again someday.

2003-01-03T01:37:00.000-05:00

so this is crazy, i still don't have my voice completely back. for those who haven't seen me lately, I lost my voice new year's eve, and its still not back yet. bummerlicious. anyway, won a few items on ebay; unfortunately, none of those was the item i really wanted. shit. hmmm, anything else to report on? reading five women who loved love, not getting into it. sorry, carissa. Temple of Golden Pavilion was good though. definite recommend to anyone.

so addicted to GT3-A on PS2. so addicted. hoping to get call from carnegie endowment. hoping and praying.

carissa, i know there are going to be moments where we want to kill one another, but i see us being a couple of awesome hosts.

i am blogging for the sake of blogging and not wanting to go to bed, so i guess i should get off, but moments like this exist because i don't want tomorrow, with its implications of working, to come.

2003-01-02T01:47:00.000-05:00

you know, a lot went on last night, and i have no voice, but it still feels like nothing is going on. I guess when you have going to south africa to compare with, everything seems really boring. anyway, i went bored ebaying, i hope i win some stuff, hope other people win some stuff.

2002-12-30T10:26:00.000-05:00

hmmm, i don't really know where to begin.

The trip was nice, i made all my flights standby, and it snowed on christmas eve, which most definitely rocks.

The experience was kinda odd, because now all my friends are old enough and have been away long enough where it feels weird to get together.

Still love parents very much, but house felt different, less like where my home is, I guess, which is sad, but its where family is, which still makes it good.

Had to return lots of presents, which made me feel bad, because i don't want people to think they don't know me well enough to know what to get me.

Got lots of good presents in return. Good clothes, better headphones (ok, miniature SONY rant: 30 bucks for headphones that aren't as good as those from other brands which sell for half the price?! People are paying that much of a premium for headphones where you can change the colors? Rediculous), oh, yeah, and Playstation2, yo!

Wichita. You know, I could never live there, but I sure as hell can eat there. Best bbq, 6.95, converted denny's. mm mm good.

I hate my job, and wish i was in south africa right now. Girls, if you are reading this, get off the goddamn computer and go to a bar!
Oh, and also, make sure the people putting the photos up on the website take pics of you!

brb, meeting

2002-12-17T11:40:00.000-05:00

you ever just completely freak out about something? yeah. yeah, that's exactly what i just did. it was totally not a big deal. let's just hope that the final goes the same way.

2002-12-17T10:19:00.000-05:00

Today is most definitely not going to be good. I can feel it. First of all, I told myself last night that I would get up at 4 am this morning and study for my final tonight. Ummm, that's not exactly what happened. So I haven't studied for my final in linear algebra, which should make the test the ultimate bitch. Now, my work is going to have me do stuff that involves organizing things, which I hate doing because i always feel completely clueless. To top it off, its organizing whole rooms of shit, which is even worse. I mean, its my job, and i need to get paid, so im going to do it and try to do it without showing that i fucking hate this activity above most others (stuff involving bodily fluids would occupy the least desirable job list for me, personally), but that doesn't mean I actually have to enjoy it. Tonight I am going to bed as soon as i get home from my exam (which will be in the dead of night, because there are no buses that go to ballston from there, so I have to wait FOREVER!!!

I'm not in a good mood, in case you couldn't notice from the information above.

2002-12-16T11:43:00.000-05:00

so when I turned in my JET application, I realized I didn't have much in the way of "Japanese" experience, so i wrote down that I read the books I saw in the apartments that related to Japan (from raiding Carissa's books). So now I have to read all of them. I first chose Mishima's "Temple of the Golden Pavilion". It's kind of a slow/fast book in that i feel naturally compelled to move quickly, but the writing itself makes me want to reread passages over and over to fully understand the implications of what the author is saying. The detail in describing the outcast narrarator and his acquaintances' relationship with beauty in its permanent and temporary forms, in how they despise and envy, yet adulate it is truly amazing. It is probably one of the best pieces of literature I have read.

Another good book: A Thousand Acres. Reading it, I feel like I have access to the part of my relatives' mind they don't ever let me see when I visit them. At so many points in that book I could think of incidents with my family eerily reminiscent to those in the book, especially considering the setting is almost exactly where all my relatives live. The people in this book are the essence of midwesterners, each one representing a different part of the collective.

2002-12-13T14:41:00.000-05:00

ok, so there's this one guy at work, and the girl i sit next to doesn't like to eat with him; says it ruins her lunch.

well, I ate with him this afternoon; let's go over the details:

1.)Hear brief mentions of the new Star Trek movie and shows on the SciFi channel. Ok, irritating, but dealable.
2.)I mention that I think the Lord of the Rings movie is a little slow in a slightly derisive manner. I get told how Tolkein is a great writer, and how amazing the world and language he created is. I then get told that its ok to be slow, as long as you're willing to wait (an indirect cheap shot, implicating I'm not willing to wait. I've read just about every Stephen King book ever, don't tell me I can't wait). No, you know what, Tolkein is FUCKING SLOW!!! Especially the 2nd book, so deal!
3.) I say that it's not a good idea to give appliances for Christmas. I get told that if the person needs or wants the gift, then its perfectly ok. Well, you know what? Most people I know don't want appliances. He goes on about how he gets applicances for weddings (completely different!) and stuff and about how people always love George Foreman grills and food choppers. Well, um, no.

ARRGGHH!!

2002-12-13T12:51:00.000-05:00

So I'm at the front desk right now, so this is what I am doing to procrastinate. I am right next to the screen, and its crazy big, I'm like "jeez!"

Anyway, there's not much going on. Went to office party yesterday, found out that my boss' boss taught in a poor rural region of South Africa while the area was under apartheid, which, while he seemed like a nice enough guy before, made him tons more interesting. I asked what he knew about Stellensbosch, but what he told me wasn't anymore than I had heard from the random Worlds gossip, but he liked the experience he had overall.

Oh, erin, the weirdness is continuing through IM. Hope it ends soon though. I would say more, but I'm paranoid more people read my blog than actuallly do. Anyway, I haven't seen anyone all week, so hopefully I will see you all during this weekend.

2002-12-12T09:55:00.000-05:00

i should actually do work, though I'm not going to.

2002-12-11T11:58:00.000-05:00

Mad Harry Rackham

apparently that was my pirate name. now i have an irresistable urge to just say arrghh all day. arg, matey!

2002-12-11T11:53:00.000-05:00

so I had to leave work early yesterday as I was sick. ugh, beer and milkshakes do not mix, apparently. Anyway, also skipped my linear algebra class, which will make that next class a major bitch. damn. anyway, apparently denise and lindsay are living in fsk, which im kinda bummed about. personally, i was hoping they would get JBKO so they would be across the street from teh metro and it would be ohsoeasy to get there. oh well.
btw, weather sucks today.

2002-12-09T16:58:00.000-05:00

I've been told by the ladies that this picture, also from peaslee, is damn sexy, so for their enjoyment I have put a link up to it as well. I still prefer bowling, though.

In other news, I am going to Nation tonight with my friend Jeni's ex. odd.

2002-12-09T16:01:00.000-05:00

ugh, i am so bad with putting stuff on my blog, but lindsay told me to change it, so i have to put comments on, i think

2002-12-09T03:12:00.000-05:00

proof that at least the lower levels of the swat e-board are the coolest on apda (looking for affirmation, sarah and rob? Jesus, you won our goddam tournament, what else do you need!?):

him and her

they are participating in the two activities that consumed my last two years of high school. Of course, to find out what these activities were, you have to check the links.

2002-12-08T01:06:00.000-05:00

tournament stuff:

man it was a rollercoaster. First the bad, and then the good. The bad is the whole UPENN thing, and i don't mean the motor oil thing. Ok, last night I house UPENN, but they say they are going to be going out late. They drop some kids off at my place and say they will be coming back later, so I give them my keys, not telling them which thing on my keyring does what. So I wake up the next morning, and no one showed up while I was asleep. So I give the UPENN kids there some keys, let them know how to get to the metro, and go to GA. Penn kids are there, and they say they called me multiple times, and my keys didn't work.

Let's review these two accusations:
1.)I know they had my phone number, because they called me at the party, and I picked up. But my phone, which keeps a log of all missed calls and voice mails, has NO RECORD of any calls taking place after 12:14 am, so if any phone got called, it wasn't mine. oh, and they left a voice mail around midnight (they caught me 15 min later), so the kid who called should know what my voicemail sounds like, and when he didn't get it, he should have been like "hey, this is different, I should recheck what number I called the first time".
2.)I found out when arguing with them right before they left that they thought the keys didn't work because there was a lock on the front door, and the key on the ring didn't open it. Apparently despite the fact that they were all frantic to get in and get ahold of me, no one thought of what the plastic key fob with the motorola logo was for. Also, they must not have seen the black magnetic swipey thing underneath the callbox with the red light. Admittedly, I should have told them what did what i guess, but it shouldn't take too much persistence to put two and two together. so did the swipey thing work? Yes, I checked it when i came to my apartment tonight. its how i got in.

so they had keys, and they had a phone number. I can't help it if some IVY LEAGUERS can't take 5 seconds to think of how to solve a problem. But they want GW to pay for their hotel, because they said they could not get their "guaranteed housing". well, some of them got in, and the others were certainly given ample opportunity to do so. If, for example, some novice got drunk on campus at, say, Penn, and couldn't figure out how to get to housing and ended up sleeping outdoors, got frostbite, and had to go to the hospital, is that a shame? Yes. Is Penn responsible for the kid's actions and liable for all hospital bills? I would say no. But these kids get all belligerent, and start making threats at me. whatever. I just said what it took to get out of the situation and went back up to tab to get ready for the break.

Also bad, more succinctly. I yelled loudly for no reason and felt stupid later. Also, some people who I thought were very nice generally MAY have been very rude to Erin friday night. I hope she's just being paranoid, but if she's not im really disappointed.

The good: I got to announce top speakers, and this produced my happiest two moments of the tournament. First, 10th speaker was kat hyland, but when I announced her name, she was gesturing to Angelo, expecting to hear his name. It took her a moment to figure out that she is a really good speaker (I hope she recognizes this, because she is), and she was very pleased to get her trophy. However, that doesn't begin to touch the moment of the tournament, which was without a doubt when Dave Bing got a speaker award. He didn't really recognize his name for a second, but when he did he leapt up form his seat and had this look of bewilderment, shock, and a helluva lot of joy, and it was just wonderful to see someone like that at a debate tournament, and to see his team jump up with him and start cheering him really loudly, and it was just all a moment of--it was the tournament theme, after all--wonderfulness. It reminded me of all the best moments of my experience with the GW team, and how until senior year we just all had this cohesive togetherness that just peaked at UChicago two years ago in a fit of hardware madness and team pride in one another. I only hope I can feel that comraderie again at any job or activity. So thank you, Mr. Bing, for that moment. Just seeing someone that excited made the rest of my evening.

2002-12-06T02:00:00.000-05:00

cleaning cleaning cleaning for the team that will be staying in my apt. Hey, guys, I got soap for you and swept the floor! Hope you appreciate it

2002-12-05T11:44:00.000-05:00

i know no one who reads this (except maybe lindsay) cares about this, but apparently Ryan Adams is all pissy about the guy from the White Stripes.

The article is hilarious though because for a person trying to get indie music "cred" or whatever, he doesn't do a good job. he sounds really whiny and says stuff like "I have more clothes" and "I got offered this movie part earlier". its really funny. almost as funny as when officers on a debate team say that no one can define their responsibilities and tell them what to do.

2002-12-01T02:35:00.000-05:00

You know, people ask me a lot (or at least my friend Brian, who is actually from Long Island but openly wishes for a Village address when he grows up) "Aaron, why do you hate New York City?"

this:is why.

I mean, I love to be a hipster as much as the next guy as long as it doesn't involve actual work, but I hate the goddam lower manhattan better than thou bastards that "represent" nyc. That fat chick in wisconsin may be a lardass bitch, but you didn't have to go all that far to find that when you could have just looked in the mirror.

2002-12-01T01:46:00.000-05:00

I do this so rarely, so i better do it now while the emotions are still fresh.

A lot of the time I spend alone I spend thinking about stuff (I like to think everyone does this thinking about stuff I speak of), but usually when I do it I feel like I'm watching doors close and that I must rush or panic or something. Now I think about stuff, and the negativity just seems to melt away. Regrets are there, but so is the possibility of making up those regrets or realizing the unlikely. I have a future, and it is waiting for me, though it won't wait there forever it provides me options. Everything will work out, and I'm just glad to see that, if even for a moment, I recognize the path in front of me and smile.

2002-11-29T02:43:00.000-05:00

What
lesser-known Simpsons character are you?

Brought to you by the good folks at sacwriters.com.

2002-11-29T01:58:00.000-05:00

well, i was hoping to make it to stl, but couldn't. instead i went to erin's house, which was cool. her parents are very sweet, and they gave me pie, cool.

current goal: need to get some felt iron ons and t-shirts so I can make some homemades. if carissa has a printer and an iron, then heck, maybe i can do some iron-ons! Shibby!

I don't know why, but I feel like being all trendy/creative, and i just don't know how to do it, so i am going to sit around here and mope, but in a positive way. cash flow and a car would considerably improve things, but i think the odds of either coming to me area extremely slim. anyway, need to do jet essay tomorrow.

Songs right now: Dandy Warhols "Everyday Should be a Holiday", Ladytron "Playgirl"

2002-11-26T17:12:00.000-05:00

anything changed since a day of work? I would have to say no, though now I am entertaining the idea of going home to stl for thanksgiving now. I'm not sure what I'll be doing, so i guess i should figure that out soon

2002-11-26T02:11:00.000-05:00

of course, goddamn stupid blogger ate a blog, damn it!

anyway, the only important things i was saying was that i was really happy with me and liz's debating this weekend, except for the fact that apparently my greatest analytical speech ever on US tax policy was only worth a 24. Seriously, i rarely come out of a tournament that positive about me and my partner, and usually when i feel this way my team broke.

oh, bittersweetness! my friend stan is getting married august 2nd, and i was asked to be an usher. but guess what? JET departure is the same day! AUGH!

2002-11-21T17:40:00.001-05:00

man, that was a totally debate-centric post!

2002-11-21T17:40:00.000-05:00

well, i got my other recommendation today from my old boss. man, i used to be such a better worker.

If any of you debate people know my style well enough, you know that I'm pretty consistent (unless I'm LO, gag), but every once in a while I just have these magic weekends where everything just comes so clearly. This MIGHT be one of those weekends, I'm not sure. It's usually when I feel the least amount of stress going in, so hopefully I won't get stressed out about doing well this weekend and we'll have a great time and do well. It's really all about the stress and the self-confidence, which is why my best weekends have come in situations where I don't feel pressured to perform to a certain level or I feel really good about my abilities.It's a good situation going in tho.

Finally, waiting for kate to get off work so i can get off work and get ready for fordham, if you know what I mean. I was supposed to have dinner with erin, but apparently she's not at home, so that might be difficult. Anyway, I've never been to the Bronx before, so this should be exciting.

Debate person I respect for the weekend: One of those people who seems like he has a life out of debate and has all his shit together. People like that always rock.