by the way, Pinkerton is the ultimate soundtrack to an emo-whiny mood. Proving that while it does usually mean it, sometimes emo doesn't = crap.
When I look in the mirror I can't believe what I see
Tell me, who's that funky dude starin' back at me?
Broken, beaten down can't even get around
without an old-man cane I fall and hit the ground
Shivering in the cold, I'm bitter and alone
Excuse the bitchin' - I shouldn't complain
I should have no feeling, 'cuz feeling is pain
As everything I need is denied me
And everything I want is taken away from me
But who do I got to blame? Nobody but me
I don't wanna be a old man anymore
It's been a year or two since I was out on the floor
Shakin' booty, makin' sweet love all the night
It's time I got back to the good life
It's time I got back, it's time I got back
'n I don't even know how I got off the track
I wanna go back, yeah!
this is great, I am the fucking cliche of humanity. Watch as I bask in the wallowing and self-questioning that comes with a transition! Ohh and Ahh at Aaron's self pity as he works himself into a frenzy over his petty, bourgeois (note comma) fears and problems, unaware that in reality, he exists in a bubble protecting him from the real, human problems that face many from this country and countless more throughout the world! Discover the depths of self-doubt and insecurity that bubble and roil beneath the surface, only to come up at moments like this! The Vesuvius of the flawed!
I graduate tomorrow. I don't want to go to bed. Everyone asks me if im excited, and the answer is always the same: no. They laugh. Someone once told me you only laugh when you don't know what else to do or when something really hits home and you don't want to talk about it for fear you come to a full realization. The question I hear lately makes me laugh too. Unfortunately, I think I do it for both reasons. What am I going to do? I have only gone to school; I mean, sure, I've had a job and all, but that wasn't real. That was for spending money, not trying to make the rent. How do you find a job like this? I've been applying since March, and nothing. I think it's all my fault; as I have no common sense, I also apparently have the defective gene when it comes to job searching.
I like the way my life was last year, to be quite honest. Everything was great, idyllic, whatever. I complained about lack of drive, but god, hindsight is 20/20. You know, I thought college was all supposed to be when you find out what you want to do and begin to care about issues, but I have become more and more disillusioned and apathetic with each passing month. Eric calls Liss' place Inertia House. I think I am an honorary member, to be honest, along with Erin. He calls it Inertia because objects at motion tend to stay in motion, and objects at rest tend to stay at rest. Sometimes I think that works on both levels, Eric. Yeah, we don't get much done physically, but in addition, I wonder whether we all are actually in motion on an intellectual and emotional level, and maybe not in a good direction. I mean, who knows, maybe the way up is easier than the way down, and its not like I'm suicidal or anything, it just seems like it's been a long time since I've felt life has changed for the better in the long term, and that's a very sad realization.
Some signs do point to hope, I guess. I mean, I did get a place to live. I do know what I want to do in the long term. I guess there is some sort of brass ring out there, something to keep striving towards. In my opinion, that's the most important thing; without that goal, without that something to work on, you lose your reason to not do harmful things, to make good decisions, and to maintain hope. Imagine what would have happened to the world had Hope not decided to remain on the lid of Pandora's Box while evils, vice, and the other devious machinations of society and humanity flooded the world. Every movie would be like Requiem for a Dream.
