I got nothing for you as of now, but other than that, I guess the best i can do is tell you i bought a new cd, but am still obsessed with that le tigre song. supergrass is pretty cool, tho, and their cd was a helluva lot easier to find.
umm, anything else? ummm, went out last night to las placitas. sorry, i am braindead right now
Basically, right now I just want to pound my head on my desk and give up. My life is copy making, erasing fucking dots on a page that happened due simply to quality degeneration because of fucking toner and fucking scanning and GODDAMMIT!!!
Yup, this is it. 30,000+ dollars a year gets you a job making copies. And you know what I blame for this? Debate. Debate meant i didn't go out and get a real internship that would have led to a real job. Debate meant that instead I was satisfied with my crappy Ticketmaster job because it had great hours because i could work on sundays. I refuse to blame personal lethargy for this, and instead I blame debate. I am just so bitter at the world right now. All I could think about on my way to the copier was that I was hoping someone would yell at me for wearing a t-shirt with script on it (we are not supposed to wear shirts with words, even on casual friday, which is stupid as hell), because i would just come back with a passive aggressive "Look, all I have to show for 100,000 dollars and 3 years of my life is a job where Im told to clean up copies, which is kinda the thing i wanted to avoid doing every day by going to school. The least this company can give me is the right to wear a shirt that has nonvulgar words on it. Capice?"
I love arguments in your mind. You always win them.
so yesterday was pretty weird. Like, from the moment i woke up it was just lethargy central, you know? anyway, i was a bit cranky all day, but the highlight came when I got to go to the National Library of Medicine, and I got to get a National Institutes of Health Library Card. Having it gives me the impression that I could pass as a doctor in some circles and situations. For example, someone would be like "entry for hospital staff and doctors only" and I would say "I am a doctor, visiting from NIH!" and i would show my library card and they would stand in awe and let me pass. Seriously, it looks really official.
After that went to class and made an idiot of myself for mentioning that Iraq has a high level of human capital (ie, education) for the region, especially among its expats and that this would help its development like that same factor helped Japan in post-WWII. However, it instead sounded like I was saying it was JUST as educated as Japan was, which is absolutely not true. Anyway, so i looked like an idiot and this one guy actually gave me a stare of disgust. Part of me was like "fuck off, I know more about this than you" but another part felt a little stupid. After class, I went home and when the West Wing (a show i loathe for its sappy moralism) came on, carissa was like "uhuhuh grunting noise means i want to see it" and i got up and made a bitchy comment about how i hate that show more than dharma and greg, another show she loves, and then she shot right back, with not as much but even more effective bitchery, "well, that's why we have two tv's with cable!" This response was wholly deserved, but that didn't make me feel any less stupid and childish. Anyway, when i got in my room i realized i should just go to bed, because sleep deprivation is probably what's causing my crankiness lately. so i went to bed at 9.
That's when I had this really weird dream involving a "Predator" like creature trying to eat me and my family in order to get revenge on us for something we did. This dream has happened in various forms over the last two nights, i think, anyway, while my sleep was restful, it wasn't that restful for obvious reasons.
It's all slowly changing, isn't it? Hopefully, its for the better. I mean, the sensation inside of me is an odd one, but its one that thinks new things are coming, new attitudes, some that people are going to appreciate, some that people won't notice the structural cracks in, some that will alienate, but hopefully all that will move people on their course in a life they need for fulfillment.
