Ever try to definitively change your natural state? It's hard
Totally. So I am at work, desperately waiting (already!) for the day to end. why? because i am going to boston this weekend to go the last debate tournament i will ever be in, and i am ready to not work. So after our practice round last night, and i was talking to carissa, and i realized something, and that is that i take debate rounds personally, and so i get very emotional in rounds. denise is the same way. unfortunately we both have a habit of getting indignant. it works for denise, but honestly, it doesn't help me at all, its kinda detrimental. so this weekend I am desperately trying to concentrate on being more conversational, being funnier and funner in rounds by being frank and throwing off one-liners. Unforunately I can't change myself that quickly in advance, and i just don't see it happening, but I am going to try my hardest. in the car today i have a few cases to work on and fine tune for the tournament, so that is cool. I mean, at most we need 4 cases, no? Probably 3? Well, I have two that I like, hopefully I will get the chance to run them. More than that, though, I really want to not believe that I have any chance of breaking, because then I think I would have a much better time. Unfortunately what I really think is that if we are on this weekend, we can do it, and that, for my emotional well-being, is the worst thing of all. All I will do is get really nervous before rounds, and when i speak it will either be canned or be more angry and that kind of stuff, which does not work out well. Then, until we lose for the third time, i will get more despondent each time, thinking a slim hope still exists, but that there is no room for error. I totally need to get over this. I mean, it's not like I NEED the validation that comes from debate, I have a lot of other fantastic things going for me in my life, but it would be nice, especially since a lot of people who I consider my peers in debate have done much better than i have over the 4 years we've done it in terms of results, and it would be nice to have something to point to in my last tournament. With that said, I should get off my blog because I have to make the run into DC. btw, does anyone know if easton is where they make the bats of the same name? I should ask arthur.
The inspiration for my last blog title, and some other stuff that actually matters
So I'm sure the RIAA is going to be on my ass the instant I say this, with their big brother like devices trolling the web for file sharing info, but I have a lot of mp3s, and I decided this weekend, before carissa's party, after my physical space had become uber-clean, that I should make my cyberspace the same way through organizing my mp3s (plus, there's nothing worse than wanting to hear some 70s rock and instead pulling up EVERY SINGLE house song you have on your playlist). Well, that was a bad idea. FIrst of all, I didn't realize how many songs i had, took off my playlist, and completely forgot about. This includes anything by the bloodhound gang, lords of acid, or the cardigans (god, I burnt out of the Gran Turismo cd, I still can't listen to it). Anyway, it's taking much longer than planned to deal with this whole thing, and its frustrating, because I don't know how broad to make the categories or anything like that, and I don't know where some of the songs I liked and actually had on my playlist are. That song by Khia is catchy, however. So is "Going Back to Cali" by Notorious B.I.G.
Other news, so I am trying to figure out what the heck I am doing with my life over the next 4 months. I've pretty much definitively decided I am going to Japan next year, I got my JET confirmation Friday, and for a while I was still considering moving to california as were my originial secret plans, but I think this is an opportunity I just can't pass up, the chance to live abroad for a year with an actual income! However, currently plans are still to try to go to berkeley for economics the year after (yes, denise, despite the fact I have never read amartya sen's book and I don't know who the peruvian economist hernando de soto is, I want to be an economist, as far as I can tell), so I need to take multivariable calculus, and soon. I have found 3 options, one in each region I can live in. However, living in DC is going to cost me quite a bit of money (even with an extra roomate), and so I am thinking of moving to stl or hawaii, but there's a good chance i will still be here. I think the solution lies in sitting down, figuring out my credit card debt, how much I want to be working in the job i am working at currently, and the potential savings that comes with not having to pay rent. On the flip side, I am not going to know anyone still in stl, and while I like my parents a lot, I won't know anyone else in hawaii, that could get old. Oh, and YES, I do know that I am talking about not moving to hawaii, but screw you, I'm still going in a little less than two weeks, so nyah nyah.
